I climbed into bed with a half-smile and my heart singing.
This was such a good day.
As I mentally compiled my gratitude list, it became clear that nothing out of the ordinary had happened to make it so. No adventures, no sudden windfalls, no gestures of undying love. Truly, a day that might strike others as boring. And, on the surface, not terribly different from most of my days lately. So why was I almost euphoric? What was the difference?
I remained curious the next day (a side effect of waking up later in life, at least for me, is a sometimes unquenchable need to get to the why). What makes one day fabulous and a similar one unremarkable? Is there one ingredient? Or is it a complex recipe? If I could solve the riddle, maybe I could have more spectacular days.
I wondered if it was that I’d been steadily busy (not always the case since the advent of the pandemic). But there had been other days just as busy that hadn’t captivated me in the same way. I analyzed each activity of that day and none jumped out as responsible for my contentment. I pondered. I meditated. And ultimately I decided that my exhilaration stemmed from a careful balance of a handful of key elements and attitudes.
The Elements
Some solitude. Enough to greet the day quietly and refresh as needed. In my case that meant morning meditation and devotional reading.
The outdoors. Bonus points if combined with exercise. This particular day I walked to the beach, swam laps in my pool, and sat in the shade afterward. (An extra helping of solitude.)
Connecting. Truly connecting with another person rather than “interacting” on social media. While reaching out via phone or text can be important, nothing beats an in-person rendezvous. That day I had coffee with my neighbor, a meal with my daughter, and an evening out with my best friend.
Resolving. This is somewhat related to achieving, but I prefer this concept because it challenges the idea that I need a notable accomplishment in order to feel good about myself. This could involve making progress on complex issues like taxes or Medicare, or on household issues, or even on a creative issue. For me, it was finally taking the time to figure out how to adjust my sprinkler system.
Helping. Another form of connection with an added boost. That day it meant answering questions from my mother, loaning a friend my car, and consulting with another friend about preparing to move. I find using a special skill to help someone especially satisfying.
Filling the well. Taking in new sights, sounds, and experiences that lift you out of your rut, make you think, and ultimately enhance your life. You can fill it up all at once with travel or museum visits, or in steady increments with outings or reading or film; with anything that is out of your ordinary or challenges you a little. On my unusually happy day it meant reading a bit of poetry (something I’d previously avoided as beyond me).
Self-care. For a long time, I imagined self-care meant things like manicures or other indulgences. And yes, I think grooming to whatever standards you choose is important. But grooming, to me, is just another chore to check off; I now see self-care as something that provides nourishment. Cooking a fabulous meal, having sex, soaking in an aromatherapy tub; the possibilities are endless. For me, exercising, hydrating, and a power nap were all rejuvenating that day.
The Attitudes
Commitment. After years of inconsistency and dysregulation, I find keeping promises to myself to be an incredible mood booster. Whether it’s meeting the daily goals I set for myself or taking a leap and trying something new, the days I make an honest effort to do what I told myself I would are always deeply gratifying.
Mindfulness. It’s possible to experience some of the elements of a good day on autopilot; I’ve done it for years. More recently I realized, however, that if I’m not truly staying in the moment, there’s just no way all of these building blocks of a great day can happen. If I’m not mindful, my lizard brain is going to take over and the best outcome will be a day that I can say I survived. (For the worst outcome, you’ll have to read my upcoming memoir.) When I’m mindful, I can be proactive and creative and I can also recognize that I’m having an exceptional day.
Gratitude. The lovechild of mindfulness, gratitude sows the seeds of happiness. When I’m grateful for all the good in my life, I feel happy and seem to attract more blessings. And, when I’m grateful for a singularly happy day, and I’m mindful enough to get curious about it, I can develop a loose guideline for more happy days ahead.
Now that I’ve identified the elements and attitudes that make for an outstanding day for me (because I imagine they’re different for everyone), is every day like that one over-the-top fabulous day? Not even close. There are days I congratulate myself for making it to an early bedtime without harming myself or others. With only so many hours in a day, it can take some finesse to hit all the high notes. Also, if every day were the same, how would I distinguish a truly remarkable one?
Nope, I can’t report a major transformation. But I can report a new awareness and a tool I can employ when I find myself in a slump. When I start to feel hopeless or murderous (or fill in the blank with a maladaptive behavior), I can determine which elements or attitudes are missing and recalibrate. And I’m thrilled and beyond grateful to report that the joyous days are steadily increasing in number.
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Let’s talk. What makes an outstanding day for you? How do you turn a not-so-great day around?