Clearing the Real Clutter

When I wrote about decluttering your space, I suggested it was a potential first step in decluttering the rest of your life. If you’re anything like me, it might take you a while (like years) to go beyond minimalism in your living space and incorporate it into the rest of your life. To see that it’s actually a holistic practice that can improve every aspect of your life. To see that, despite less tangible benefits, clearing or changing habits, activities, relationships, and even thought patterns that no longer serve you is arguably a more important step toward living a simple, fulfilling life.

Today I’m going to share some things that worked for me, over time, to increase my daily satisfaction immensely. Ways I streamlined and simplified my life by decluttering my mind, my relationships, and my routines, so that eventually, just as with my home, all that was left was what truly mattered to me.

My mind could have used a crew from Hoarders. Seriously, there was a lot to clear out: worry, overthinking, regret, an inner critic screaming at me 24/7. This made focusing difficult if not impossible and distraction welcome. Drowning in unfinished tasks, unrealized ideas, and unmet goals, I would just try to keep my head above water every day, unconcerned with making it to the shoreline.

Clearing out this mess is what allowed me to tackle everything else. Because it’s a long, iterative process, changes were slow, and refinements were made over the years (much like the process of keeping a minimalist home). Here’s what helped the most:

-Therapy and reflection

-Journaling

-Mindfulness (which I define as being in the moment, or at least the day, doing one thing at a time)

-Limiting social media and news

-Movement (especially important for those of us who tend to freeze at the first sign of emotional discomfort)

In decluttering relationships, my external circumstances gave me a bit of a head start. Divorce is a great network pruner, as is relocation. Those who remained in my life as I started over are cherished. While my love of minimalism makes me ruthless about tossing possessions, I am far gentler about relationships; I believe that a connection should only be severed when it is unhealthy and all attempts at change have been exhausted. Otherwise, minor tweaks may be all that’s needed, which is where boundaries are extremely helpful. Knowing yourself and your values will allow you to evaluate and prioritize your relationships and eliminate boatloads of drama.

Things that have helped me navigate sometimes tricky waters:

-Internalizing that I’m the only one looking out for me; that I need to take care of myself.

-Realizing that there’s usually no need to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

-Learning how to say no (very difficult for a lifelong people pleaser).

-Being honest and making it safe for my loved ones to do the same.

-Choosing love (showing it, accepting it, choosing the loving interpretation when in doubt)

As I healed and my self-awareness grew, decluttering and streamlining my routines became relatively easy. After a lifetime of floundering, I one day found myself seamlessly and confidently moving ahead.

Here’s what I did:

-Established an unshakeable morning routine. I built this in increments, over months. These days instead of stomping out of bed grumbling bad words and heading straight for the coffee maker and a screen, I get up, take a few deep breaths, tell myself it’s going to be a great day, then get on my mat and stretch for 20 minutes. After which I meditate for 20 minutes, then journal for 20 minutes while drinking a big glass of water. Only then do I reward myself with a cup of coffee, the New York Times Spelling Bee, and a few minutes on Instagram. Then the dog gets a 20-minute walk before breakfast.

-Learned to stack habits. My morning routine is one example; over time I don’t have to think about what’s next because muscle memory takes over. I’ve done the same with an evening routine of shutting down for the day, with my skin care and other grooming, with my dog’s care.

-Planned. Just minutes returns great dividends. On Sundays I try to look at the week ahead. This allows me to consolidate errands (a huge time saver) and plan to incorporate required tasks and fun activities. Each morning, I spend a few minutes deciding three things I want to accomplish that day in addition to a writing session. This small investment of time has paid a huge return on investment. No more long, ignored list languishing on the counter; things are actually getting done. Which provides the added benefit of savoring the boost of keeping my word to myself.

-Instituted a sabbath. Mine has nothing to do with religion; it’s a day (usually either a Saturday or a Sunday) I set aside to recharge. This means any activity involving duty or accomplishment or any other kind of should is assiduously avoided. Ditto for most social engagements. This is a day I unplug, daydream, and throw out the schedule. Radical stuff for a former perfectionist overachiever. This is another practice that offers a high return on investment: I start the week refreshed, with a renewed sense of adventure and, often, new ideas.

Even more than decluttering your living space, decluttering the rest of your life is most effectively done in small increments. And just as you’ll want to periodically audit or quiet your home, periodically assessing your mind, routines, and relationships will allow you to recalibrate and live your best life.

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Thanks for reading. As always, I welcome questions, comments or tips of your own.