Climbing Out

Today’s post is my personal PSA about depression, that miserable bastard that sneaks up on you, accentuates the dark side, convinces you it’s hopeless, and then refuses to leave, hiding in the back room of your mind to mock any hard-won progress you might make towards the light. I’m happy to report that my least favorite uninvited guest has decamped for now after a ferocious struggle, and I am climbing out of the pit. Whether your depression is seasonal, situational, chemical, or as in my case, a delightful combination, there are things I’ve found can help mitigate the destruction; things that can keep you somewhat connected to your life and make the slog out of despair worthwhile. Disclaimer: I’m not a medical or mental health professional (and most days my underwear is on inside out), and like most “conditions” depression is a very individualized experience. I’m just sharing what is true for me. Please, if you are struggling, seek professional help.

Here’s what helped me:

Remembering it’s temporary. Chances are you’ve dealt with this before, and you’ve come out the other side. It’s tough when your brain is telling you that you suck and you will never experience joy again and you don’t deserve to, but if you can hold onto the truth that you won’t always feel this way you can fight back.

Looking for the message. One slightly twisted “silver lining” of depression is that it generally allows one lots of alone time. While there’s a fine line between introspection and rumination, getting quiet and being receptive can illuminate changes we might want to make in our lives (that may or may not be directly related to the depression).

Moving. Yes, the bed (or chair, or couch) is calling you. But every time you can resist will help. Some days it might be a walk in the sunlight; others it might be actual exercise. And some days walking to the laundry room and tossing in a load might be a major victory. Just keep trying.

Connecting. Again, difficult to do when you feel sad, unworthy and hopeless. But giving yourself a little push to connect wisely (with a beloved friend say, instead of a demanding relative) gets you out of your head and almost always results in at least a temporary micro-improvement.

Taking care of business. Basically, this covers both those things that may be contributing to your depression and those that will affect the life you are going to return to when depression is vanquished. From dealing with physical illness to decluttering relationships to paying your bills and keeping your home from being featured on “Hoarders”, you’ll thank yourself later for not piling on.

Practicing self-compassion. Whether it’s Netflix, ice cream, novels or a bigger splurge like massage or acupuncture, indulge yourself without guilt. (Of course, moderation is key, as self-compassion also includes taking care not to give in to your compulsions.) You also need to give yourself a break for the few extra pounds, the outline of your butt in the couch, and the lack of fabulous accomplishments, because it’s all temporary (see above) and you’re lovable despite your suffering.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to be unacquainted with depression and love someone who is afflicted, two positive suggestions:

Check in. You may not always feel your loved one’s gratitude for your call, or you may find the Eeyore impersonation tough to take, or you may not even get a response. But you can be certain that your attempt to connect just may be the spark that begins a turnaround. At the very least, you’ll have provided a welcome respite from the darkness.

Offer support, not advice. We know that we should exercise, eat better, drink less, get more sleep and think positive, but depression is making those things impossible. Ditto for getting out more and changing the things in our lives that aren’t working. Acknowledging your loved one’s depression without trying to fix it is such a healing gift.

I’d love to say that the unpleasant bastard is gone for good, but although I’m an optimist, I’m not dim-witted (despite occasional problems dressing myself). But I’ll be ready to fight to rejoin the sparkly pageant we call life.

I’d love to hear your experiences…