Completion

The lesson in perspective (which I wrote about here) continues. As I write this, my little nugget has been hospitalized for five days now. While his prognosis is hopeful, we’ve still got a long road ahead that may require further interventions. [Update: he is now home with a feeding tube and seven medications. The learning curve is steep.] The mental exhaustion is adding to the surreality of the experience.

According to the Chinese zodiac, we’re about to finish the Year of the Snake. The end of this year is thought to facilitate release (similar to the shedding of a snake’s skin): of old identities, relationships, patterns, and anything that no longer serves your higher self. Next year is the Year of the Horse, which is traditionally associated with momentum, independence, and destiny. The numerological meanings of this year and next provide the perfect complement: 2025 is a “9” year, in which cycles that began nine years ago are completed or resolved; and 2026 is a “1” year, which is associated with new beginnings and leadership.

I’m usually fairly skeptical, but all of this resonates strongly with me. For the last couple of months, I’ve felt what I thought was stagnation but I now believe was the transition between endings and new beginnings in several areas of my life. It’s not always a fun place to be, but remaining curious and listening can be instructive.

Posting weekly for the past two and a half years has been an incredible challenge for me and it’s brought me joy and a sense of community. Working daily on my book for years was cathartic and empowering. Writing will always be a huge part of my life, though these days I’m feeling called to place more emphasis on living. On just being. On forgetting about accomplishment for a while. (Also? I’m going to have the equivalent of a newborn and a part-time job for the next month or two.)

Given that, next year I’ll be switching to a “week in review” format. Today’s final post of the year is a preview of that format.

Ways I Found Joy This Year

Attending a Baroque Spain exhibit followed by lunch at an outdoor café

Checking out the new Neapolitan pizza truck that opened down the street

Taking an overnight trip to Jupiter and environs with a spa treat

Transforming the CWP’s room into my Creatorium

Visiting the Crystal Garden

Discovering a fabulous breakfast place right on the dunes

Spending my birthday week with my beloved cousin

Living each day to the fullest on a friend’s monthlong visit

Attending a tango performance

Walking through a botanical garden                                                

Spending three days in San Juan

Cultivating a new friendship

Attending a puppy yoga class

Combining editing and summer vacation in New England

Gorging on candy from Sweden while overlooking Buzzards Bay

Discovering an incredible new Italian restaurant a few blocks away

Finishing and publishing my book

Exploring Italy and Switzerland

Catching up with an old friend over a relaxed outdoor lunch

Completing refresh projects throughout my house and yard

Reconnecting with a 90-year-old friend I’d been missing

Visiting a chocolate factory

Things I Learned This Year

That El Greco’s place in Toledo was the basis for Addison Mizener’s house in Boca Raton

That I still occasionally suffer flashbacks common to c-PTSD

That signs are all around us if we pay attention

That it takes former cult members two years to recover from brainwashing

That sometimes I use pessimism or cynicism to cover fear

More than I ever wanted to know about how young men are being indoctrinated into misogyny

That I’ve been grieving on some level for the last ten years

How to think again

That heartbreak can become a form of procrastination

The true history of the birth of our nation

That I’ve still got a ways to go toward my goal of always being truthful with myself

That I still haven’t completely gotten over my fear of being “too much” or “not enough”

That the mystery animal pooping all over my pool deck was a raccoon

That I’m becoming more accepting of the fact that staying on an even keel requires a bit more work for me than for most people

That when the going gets tough, I’m still a novice at practicing mindfulness

Ways I Moved This Year

Trekked through the maritime hammock at Blowing Rocks Preserve

Assembled furniture with the CWP

Walked to the beach and back through town

Started regular Pilates sessions

Tromping through a nature preserve on Cape Cod

Gallivanting around town and the beach with visitors

Walking miles through cobblestone streets

Hiking 500 feet straight up to a lighthouse overlooking Lake Como

Taking yoga and movement classes at a new neighborhood studio

Walking around the house on telephone calls

Quotes That Resonated This Year

“Do not fear the seeds of doubt, for they are but the tender shoots of your resolve.”

“Doubt is speculation, not measurement.”

              Wrangling the Doubt Monster, by Amy L. Bernstein

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

              Rumi

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

              Maya Angelou

“You don’t grow out of your bad childhood.”

              Molly Jong-Fast, How to Lose Your Mother

“I feel embittered toward men as an institution, which can be confusing, because I also love individual men.”

              Margo Steines, Brutalities

“Rage is only for what you believe can be fixed. All the rest is grief.”

              Cormac McCarthy

“Making assumptions and then taking them personally is the beginning of hell in this world.”

              Don Miguel Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement

“…the process [of writing memoir] not only takes me into myself, it frees me from myself…It’s the unexamined experience that wreaks the most havoc.”

              Sue Monk Kidd

Favorite Movies/TV Shows Watched This Year

Anora

Sinners

Frankenstein

Wicked

White Lotus

Yellowjackets

Six Feet Under

Robin Hood (2025 version)

Favorite Books Read This Year

One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This, by Omar El Akkad

The Book of Alchemy, by Suleika Jaouad

How to Lose Your Mother, by Molly Jong-Fast

Margo’s Got Money Troubles, by Rufi Thorpe

The River is Waiting, by Wally Lamb

The Humans, by Matt Haig

All the Colors of the Dark, by Chris Whitaker

Heart the Lover, by Lily King

Awake, by Jen Hatmaker

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Thanks for reading. Your support has meant the world to me. Wishing you peaceful holidays and a new year filled with discovery and joy.