[Please note: There will be no post next week (April 25th) as I’ll be on a long anticipated trip. It’s my intention to resume posting May 2nd, which is when I arrive home. Let’s hope for the best.]
Last week I celebrated another trip around the sun, which tends to make me a bit pensive. On reflection, it became apparent that the first three months of this year have not seen the running start that I anticipated. Despite the fact that I now adopt a mantra rather than making resolutions, I have always felt that the new calendar year called for a fresh start. But this year I noticed that a combination of post-holiday lethargy, darker days, and my own personal Flashback February were conspiring to make the start to the new year a bit of a slog. So I’m starting to think there may be something to an idea that I previously considered out there: that our new year actually starts astrologically. In which case now is the time for me to evaluate and recalibrate. (Is it ever a bad time, though?)
Because I’ve been unusually busy (for me, in my comparative post-pandemic sloth ) and because birthday rules dictate that I get to do what I want, I’m going to subject you to a few more lists. But first, I’m going to share the joy I experienced on the actual day.
The weather couldn’t have been more perfect, so I took myself to a sidewalk café for breakfast, then took a long walk (which naturally included a stop at the library). I spent the rest of the day doing whatever occurred to me at the moment, until it was time for the main event. In one of the nicest things anyone has done for me lately, my favorite roommate surprised me with tickets to a special screening of The Godfather at the fancy new i-Pic theater downtown. Yes, that was me in the recliner, covered with a blankie, being served a delicious dinner followed by a perfect espresso martini while savoring one of our favorite classics. Pretty hard to beat.
And now for the lists:
Five Gifts I Gave Myself This Year
A new desk chair. While traveling last summer, I stayed at a hotel where I actually spent some time sitting at the desk to write. The armless leather swivel with an adjustable back was so incredibly comfortable, I thought “maybe I’d sit at my desk if I had a chair like this instead of the cheap one I got from Amazon”. When I returned home I found the same chair in the orange that is the signature accent in my room, and I am still congratulating myself. It’s been worth every last reasonable penny. And I now sit at my desk every day.
A jacket. It’s fairly ridiculous, but since relocating nine years ago, I have not owned a jacket. Granted, there are less than a handful of days each year when one is really necessary here, but on those days (and while traveling) I have really wished I had one. A combination of a lack of urgency and highly specific requirements meant I would periodically conduct a halfhearted search. All of that waiting paid off when, like Goldilocks, I found the just-right jacket a couple of weeks ago.
Travel. For years I was grounded by young children and then sick children. The pandemic arrived just as I was planning a victorious return to frequent travel. This past year has been the first year I’ve really gotten out and about. My trips to California, the Pacific Northwest, New England, Las Vegas, and my road trips to The Keys, St. Augustine and Gainesville sparked so much joy and reminded me of the importance of filling the well. This year’s itinerary is filling in nicely and will be kicked off next week with a river cruise from Paris through the heart of Normandy.
Consistent self-care. It’s now second nature for me to drink lots of water, eat more protein, stretch daily, and walk several miles at least three times a week. And I’ve made great leaps in forgoing instant gratification, honoring my values, and allowing myself to rest.
A break! As I’ve begun to love myself, I less often feel the need to achieve perfection or always be accomplishing something. I am learning that I am worthy of just being. And that I can trust myself.
Five Things I Learned This Year
That it really was that bad (sometimes worse).
That facts are not feelings.
That expecting never to be unhappy, or even that we each have a personal cap on adverse events, is a recipe for disaster.
That there are miracles in calamity.
That it wasn’t ADD; it was Complex PTSD. (And it gets better!)
Five Things I’ve Left Behind This Year
A compulsion to explain and/or apologize.
A tendency to tell myself stories so that I don’t have to feel uncomfortable feelings.
A craven desire to be liked.
A habit of second guessing my intuition.
A reflexive fear of change and the unknown.
My birthday reflections would not be complete without a review of my progress on “opening up”, my mantra for this year. While I’ve made baby steps these first few months, I feel like I still have lots of room to grow. Together with my ancillary motto of “no old ladies” and a newfound playfulness, I predict that on my next birthday I’ll be listing five ways in which I grew younger. Stay tuned.