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Imponderables

  • Writer: Christine D'Arrigo
    Christine D'Arrigo
  • Dec 7, 2023
  • 3 min read

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Maybe it’s a function of being in the third trimester of my life, or maybe because I’m no longer in survival mode my brain has time for frivolities, but I’ve been wondering about a number of random phenomena lately. Some of them initially presented themselves as promising candidates for my list of Hateful Things, but on further reflection I decided that maybe there are logical explanations for these head scratchers (don’t hate what you don’t understand, right?), so I thought I’d crowd source. In no particular order, here are some of the questions I wrestle with on long walks or late nights.



Why does a highway driver assume that I’m oblivious? That I’m going well over the speed limit in the left lane but not as fast as they are, and I’m not moving to the right, so I must be a moron? Why does it never occur to said driver (and sorry guys, but 9 times out of 10 it’s been a male) that there is someone in front of me that needs to move over? That can’t do so yet because they are busy trying to pass the truck in the right lane. And why, when they impatiently pass me on the right because they didn’t see the truck, do they imagine I’ll be thrilled when they then cut me off to avoid becoming whipped cream?


Why can I forget an appointment written down in three prominent places but remember that next Thursday the special at the frozen custard place is mud pie? And reorganize my day to get there?


Why are blondes so much more visible to both men and women? We all know that women become largely invisible after a certain age, but as a natural brunette who went blonde later in life and who is now darkening up a bit, I feel qualified to testify. When I first went blonde in my 50s, I was suddenly the new girl in the neighborhood; people who’d never spoken to me before were now keenly interested. It was as if pheromones had been sprinkled in with the peroxide. Ten years or so later, I’ve toned it down considerably in an effort to simplify maintenance. Almost everyone has noticed and commented, but all of the comments from acquaintances have been some version of “Why?” asked with varying degrees of dismay or incomprehension.


Why do I invariably find the missing jigsaw puzzle piece (in my bathrobe pocket, under a cushion, etc.) the day after I’ve finally thrown out the puzzle in defeat?


Why do some people actively expend effort to avoid connection? We’ve all been there. You’re out walking and you pass someone coming from the other direction and you offer up a smile and a greeting. To dead silence and a studied air of oblivion. I’m not talking about the person on their phone or the one listening to something riveting as they walk (and, most often, these people do offer a nod or a smile). I’m talking about the person who actually goes to more trouble to avoid engaging with you than it would take to grunt out a hello. The ones who are suddenly fascinated by their feet, or something across the street, or who maybe look right through you. I wonder at the thought process: is it fear, unhappiness, distaste? I long ago stopped taking this personally and continue to offer a sunny smile and a “good morning” or “hello” regardless; it’s just so much easier and feels so much better than avoidance.


Why are the very rare nights I stay up way past my bedtime always followed by the very rare mornings my insane dog gets up at 4 AM?


Why do we have this instinct to “save” things? The good china, the scented candle, the pretty dress. And when we put off reading that book by our favorite author, or going to that museum, or taking that trip, aren’t we doing the same thing? “Saving” it for later? This is a former habit I’ve worked hard to overcome, but the instinct fascinates me. Does it come from a scarcity mentality, a sense of unworthiness, or a notion that time is abundant? A combination? Something else entirely?


Why, despite my formidable organizing skills, am I seemingly incapable of making any sense whatsoever of my computer files?


Why have we normalized our lives shrinking as we get older? It’s like we practice for infirmity. Why do we have to look a certain way, forgo old pleasures or new experiences, stop learning and growing? Who says? This is a rip-off I’m resolved to fight to the bitter end.


***


Let’s talk! Any theories? And what keeps you wondering?

4件のコメント


mbhlegal
2023年12月09日

Oh I am so with you! All of that and more! The seemingly innate practice , whether because of our physical self changing or mentally, of aging is one I am starting to push back. I am not too aged to learn, grow, have adventures, meet new people of various ages and develop friendships, or decide to take a leap of faith into the unknown. This is it, my third trimester and I want to skid to those pearly gates saying “woosh, what a ride”. So they can honk at me all they want, my radio plays louder, if you don’t invest inn me and our friendship, someone else is available, and I am working on coming to term…

いいね!
Christine D'Arrigo
Christine D'Arrigo
2023年12月09日
返信先

Yes! "...if you don't invest in me and our friendship someone else is available". Not a lot of time left for half measures, right?

いいね!

ゲスト
2023年12月07日

Christine. Keep these coming. I LOVE your writing and insight. I find myself looking forward to and eagerly awaiting your next installment! I also relate to this entire piece! Lyn

いいね!
Christine D'Arrigo
Christine D'Arrigo
2023年12月07日
返信先

Thanks so much Lyn! Means a lot. ❤️

いいね!

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© 2023 by Christine D'Arrigo

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