Just Start

There was a time when I would have said that I was definitely not a procrastinator: if something needed to be done, I got right on it. School assignments, work projects, housework were never left to linger (maybe I knew on some level that I couldn’t pile on any more anxiety). And that’s still mostly true today, although I’m more relaxed in general. But there was a glaring omission in my self-assessment: when it came to undertaking something for my own enjoyment or growth, I could (and usually did) procrastinate until the cows came home. There was always “someday”.

Someday I would learn to play an instrument or a sport. Someday I would take that trip. Someday I would write seriously. Because none of those were things that had to be done, someday never came. Added to the notion I’d guess most of us have when we’re young that time is limitless were the specters of perfectionism, inertia and overwhelm. When you’re struggling just to keep afloat, how are you supposed to invest in a major change? Where do you start?

Well, I realized fairly recently, you just start. You cut through all of your excuses and intellectualizing and fear; you get over your bullshit and just start. Maybe you dip a toe in, may you dive in headfirst, but you start. Instead of reading yet another book about writing, or doing more exercises, you sit your ass in the chair every day and write. Instead of spending hours researching the best way to exercise and the best place to do it and the best clothes to wear, you lace up your walking shoes and hit the pavement. Or you make an appointment with the trainer who’s card you picked up two months ago. Instead of jotting something down on your to-do list and then staring at it daily for months or thinking “I’d like to try [fill in the blank]” every day for weeks, without taking any action, you take a baby step. Maybe it’s not for you and you’ll move on to the next thing. Or maybe it’ll be the beginning of a fabulous new cornerstone of your happy life.

Now that my life has settled down considerably, overwhelm and inertia are infrequent visitors and I’m working hard at recovering from perfectionism. Also extremely helpful has been my arrival in the third trimester of my life and my acknowledgment that my time here is finite.  Seeing the amazing changes that just starting (a serious writing practice, daily meditation, consistent exercise) has recently brought about in my life gives me the confidence to expand on that; to include just starting on the minor things that I think might bring me joy.

So, this week I’ve listened to house music as I do chores (120-130 bpm has been shown to stave off cognitive decline). I’ve watched some dance videos in an effort to choose one I might be able to follow (also a great way to keep the gears functioning smoothly). I learned some new stretches, explored digital collage-making, and finally visited a funky gallery/shop I’d been meaning to check out. All brought little jolts of joy and inspiration that I’m certain will lead to more exploration.

I’m finding that I’m no longer assigning value only to things that have a measurable outcome. Am I going to be a fabulous dancer or an accomplished artist? Unlikely. And beside the point. Which is that when you approach life more lightly, when you follow your curiosity and explore, is when you are really living. I’m going to keep trying new things, booking those trips, connecting with those I love and those around me. I’m going to be messy and imperfect and just start.

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Thanks for reading. Is there something you’ve been meaning to do that you could just start?

GOOD THINGS

Baby iguanas in the backyard

A star is born! Today is a dear friend’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Pin!

Books. This week I read two I especially recommend: How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast (a memoir that was so honest and that resonated in so many ways) and Isola by Allegra Goodman (historical fiction, which is not usually my jam, but this was a beautifully written tale of a 16^th century woman prevailing over some horrendous odds).