Overtime at the Epiphany Factory

In the early days of my third act, the epiphanies were arriving fast and furiously (I wrote about that here). Now, years later, they’re fewer and further between. This week, though, brought a jackpot of insight. My dreams, my unconscious, and serendipity all conspired to present me with two major, mind-altering nuggets.

Disconnection was on my mind. Continued radio silence from the former lover I expected to remain in my life. A sudden, bewildering friendship breakup. A particularly painful sibling estrangement. And then, on a walk, it hit me:

Radical acceptance isn’t just no longer wishing things were different. It’s not having to know why things ended up the way they did. It’s letting go of the idea that you might feel better if you understood; that there’s an answer in the historical details that’s going to take the pain away. It really doesn’t matter why (and if one’s honest, that’s extremely subjective); it is the way it is.

Shortly afterward, I got another download:

Overthinking and wondering why and trying to “solve the problem” are all ways of holding on to the relationship; of not facing the pain of that loss. They’re forms of self-preservation that prevent fully moving on.

I’m not delusional enough to think that I’m going to become a paragon of excellent mental health overnight (it’s more than likely that I’ll find something else to obsess about). And I’m not overly excited about feeling the full measure of pain it seems I’ve been avoiding. But I do feel a liberation, and hope, and I’m eager to see what the Universe has in store for me as I move forward.

Is there something in your life that you need to radically accept?

Ways I Found Joy This Week

Microwaving a bag of AMC movie theater popcorn for lunch almost every day

Watching two mourning doves canoodle on a telephone wire

Conquering a difficult jigsaw puzzle

Researching London and Amsterdam for an upcoming trip

Filling my house with gorgeous sunflowers

Doing a little retail therapy at TJ Maxx (which for me involves lots of looking and very little buying)

Things I Learned This Week

A bit about Yayoi Kusama, the Japanese avant-garde artist who was known for her giant polka dot artworks

That NDAs are being used to conceal the details of data center deals, so that these plans are often presented as a fait accompli

Quotes That Resonated This Week

Storms make trees take deeper roots.

Dolly Parton

Surely the earth can be saved by all of the people who insist on love.

Alice Walker

What I Watched This Week

Best Medicine (Netflix). Finished Season 1 and a few teasers for the future will likely keep this my go-to soother when Season 2 arrives.

Ru Paul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 (Paramount +). Lots of infighting this season still couldn’t detract from the fun fashion and talent.

The Pastor’s Wife (Netflix). This documentary had me infuriated and unsettled for days. Perfectly illustrates the way conservative Christian religions encourage incredible harm to women and children. (Tia Levings’ memoir, A Well-Trained Wife, first educated me on the subject, but actually seeing the depths and pervasiveness of the problem was shocking.) Definitely not for the faint of heart, but illuminating.

The Whisper Man (Netflix). The cast pulled me in (Robert DeNiro, Adam Scott, Michael Keaton, Michelle Monaghan) and were all stellar, as expected. Scary thriller about what appears to be a copycat serial killer.

The Secret Woman (Netflix). A woman with amnesia learns she has great family wealth and a husband and child. A solid, suspenseful mystery with gorgeous shots of Norway and Denmark. In Danish with subtitles.

What I Read This Week

Beginning Middle End, by Valeria Luiselli. A gorgeous, innovative novel that made me burn to write more. Loaded with beautiful imagery of Sicily (including vintage postcards and photos related to the story) and explorations of imagination, memory, narration, classical mythology, and mothers and daughters.

The Half Life, by Rachel Beanland. This novel about a young Navy wife in La Maddalena in the 1970s was such a treat (and resonated so much with my Navy experience in Italy in the early 1980s). The culture and language I love was threaded throughout a story of young love and marriage, women’s roles and expectations, politics, and a primer on nuclear submarines.

All About Love: New Visions, by bell hooks. Finally getting around to this classic. Wisdom on every page.

Rules for Visting, by Jessica Francis Kane. May Attaway is forty, introverted, and on the quirky side. She’s been pondering friendship lately, and decides to spend some unexpected time off visiting four friends in an effort to resuscitate their connections.

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Thanks for reading!