Prevailing

As day 250 of this great experiment dawns, I find that my angst meter has inverted. I have now achieved radical acceptance of my personal circumstances as a responsible caretaker. I am no longer lamenting all I’ve lost and all that has changed, or waiting for “things to return to normal” (were they ever, really?) I’m maximizing the abundant good that I still have to create a life that motivates me to get up and get out of my sweats. Instead, I am now struggling with the state of our country: the pandemic at its horrifying worst, the unprecedented level of hateful division, our nation becoming a punchline on the world stage. Any success I experienced in subduing my personal demons is the result of insuring maximum effort coupled with minimal investment in the uncontrollable outcome. So, with wine and chocolate as my occasional helpers, I will continue to apply that strategy across the board as I work toward acceptance.

Meanwhile, a reflection of the fragmented nature of these times (and my focus), following are more of the lists, in random order, I’ve been working with as a gateway to memoir:

TITLES OF BOOKS LANGUISHING IN MY UNFINISHED PROJECTS FILE

Novels

• Mandatory Fun (an iconoclast joins the Navy)

• A Wide Streak of Lunacy (a family discovers their patriarch changed his identity as a young man)

• Seventh Heaven (a quirky young heroine overcomes incredible obstacles to start a thriving empire)

Non-Fiction

• Abzurdity: An Abecedary of a Life

• From Aranjuez to Zafra: Palaces, Paradors and Pandemonium During Our Spanish Sojourn

• No Regrets: Reflections of a Late Bloomer at Fifty

SUBJECTS THE CWP AND I DISCUSSED IN-DEPTH DURING OUR ENDLESS COMMUTE TO AND FROM 9TH GRADE

• Armadillos and leprosy

• Jehovah’s Witnesses

• Shakespeare

• Cassowaries

• WTF is vaginal rejuvenation

• Music

• My propensity to belt out song lyrics as I (often) misheard them

A FEW OF THOSE MISHEARD SONG LYRICS

(If these aren’t a Freudian peek into my psyche in those days, I don’t know what is)

• The world is just a toilet (“The world is like a teller and we’re wearing black masks”) Fall Out Boy

• It’s the head of a billy goat (“It’s a hell of a feeling though”) Panic at the Disco

• Help me four-eyes (“Help me polarize”) Twenty-One Pilots

• The dog’s not taking prisoner’s tonight (“The dark’s not taking prisoners tonight”) Twenty-One Pilots

• Ole in the shadows (“Only in the shadows”) Meg Myers

• Night crawling, we’re night crawling (“Night clubbing” – sorry Iggy) Iggy Pop

THINGS THAT MAY HAVE SAVED MY LIFE AFTER THE CATACLYSM

(The cataclysm being the sudden end of my 25-year marriage and relocation 1,000 miles away with a chronically ill teen. Many of these have likewise helped me through these 250 days.)

• Responsibility

• The ocean

• Massage

• The library

• Puzzles

• Being seen

• My tenacious optimism

PLACES I’VE VISITED VIRTUALLY SINCE DAY 200

• Nigeria

• Boston

• Los Angeles

• London and several nearby villages

• Baltimore

• Paris

• Geneva

• St. John

• The French Alps

• Oklahoma

• Ireland

• The Pacific Ocean

• Japan

• Sweden

• Mississippi

FAVORITE BOOKS IN QUARANTINE

Those of you who know me will not be surprised that these books share an overarching theme of resilience.

• Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano. Unforgettable and endearing characters cope with a tragic event and highlight the power of love and connection.

• The Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell by Robert Dugoni. Loving parents and two well-chosen friends give a young outcast the strength to persevere and become an exceptional adult.

• Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. This true story of a WWII bombardier who survived a plane crash and 47 days on a raft in the Pacific Ocean only to be captured and held in a Japanese POW camp for a year and a half blew me away. His truly unimaginable, relentless hardships are not only inspirational, but provide a walloping dose of perspective. As I’ve said many times before, there is always light.

GRACE NOTES

• The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix)

• Van Gogh Worldwide (www.vangoghworldwide.org)

• Flash-frozen pizzas direct from Napoli. Thanks, Goomba. ( www.taliadinapoli.com)

• Planting flowers from seed to bring even more color to my backyard oasis

• The advent of cooler temperatures (worth the unceasing rains)

• Playing with paints in the sun

• Finally, a combination of grace note and inspiration: I highly recommend The Octopus Teacher on Netflix. It’s a quiet, heartbreakingly beautiful documentary that will take you away from it all. And it inspired today’s final list.

WHAT I HAVE IN COMMON WITH THE OCTOPUS

• The ability to grow horns when I’m threatened

• The ability to camouflage

• The sense that predators are ever-present

• The urge toward connection despite it all

Please share some of your lists. What is keeping you sane? What do you hope for? What are you looking forward to?