A Blast from the Past

[While attempting to clean out some files after submitting my manuscript, I came across a few pieces I’d written several years ago, in which I experimented with alternate essay formats. Because at the time I was focused on relaunching the blog and working on the book, I filed and promptly forgot them.

This piece marries my bemusement at the sourdough starter craze with my processing of the discovery that I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse.]

SUBJUGATION 101

Follow these simple steps and absolute power and control will be yours!

Have you ever wondered how to totally dominate another person? Whether you’re imagining the broken, traumatized end result or the heady joys of daily tweaks to your technique, subjugation is a cherished element of every abuser’s arsenal. And it’s not complicated; following a few easy steps will bring you results beyond your wildest dreams.

The path to successful exploitation begins in your heart’s kitchen, by learning how to make your own subjugation starter. Keep in mind that manipulation is both art and science, so through trial and error you’ll find your sweet spot. There will be so many ways to use your starter: you can create a doormat, a beard, a cash cow, a scapegoat, or a fabulous combination; the sky’s the limit.  Of course, results will generally be proportional to the effort invested in the early stages.

Ready to change lives? Let’s begin.

Basic Starter Recipe

·       Find your subject. Choose the juiciest specimen available. For best results, they should be attractive but not vain, successful but not arrogant, confident but not overbearing.

·       Learn as much as you can about your subject before you even approach them.

·       Pour on the charm when you do meet. Radiate sensitivity and empathy as you elicit more information about their past and what’s important to them. Limit what you share about yourself to falsehoods and half-truths.

·       When the subject responds favorably, turbocharge your campaign. Communicate with your words and your ubiquitous presence that you have never met anyone like them before, that they are amazing, that you are falling in love with them. You may meet a little resistance at first, but don’t falter; you’ll notice a huge payoff after only a few weeks of sustained effort.

·       Once the subject has relaxed into believing that they’ve miraculously found their soulmate, your starter is ready.

Congratulations! Your hard work has paid off and you’re ready to move on to the maintenance phase, where much less effort is required to produce stunning results.

Maintaining Your Starter

In order to maintain this wonderful resource you’ve developed, you’ll need to feed it regularly. Not just any regimen will do, however; subtlety, nuance, and precision are key. While daily feeding of your starter is recommended, excellent results have also been achieved with less frequent but more intense treatments.

Follow these steps to successfully maintain your starter:

·       Withdraw your admiration and approval in steady increments. This includes criticizing those attributes you previously praised, becoming less available and engaged, and “joking” about your subject’s frailties.

·       Subtly isolate your subject from family and friends. Imply that their family doesn’t treat them well or that their friends are jealous of them.

·       Increase your starter’s physical, mental, and financial dependence on you. 

·       Show your true colors. Unapologetically indulge in all the nasty thoughts and habits you’ve been suppressing.

·       When questioned about these developments, insist that the subject is mistaken. That you never said or did the thing in question. In cases where the subject is immune to such gaslighting, insist that they are too sensitive, that they can’t take a joke, or simply change the subject.

·       Treat the subject’s every question, constructive criticism, or request for clarification as a hostile attack and react accordingly. Make sure your arguments are circular and incomprehensible.

·       Periodically return to the steps of the basic starter recipe to keep your subject confused and cooperative.

Depending on your care and vigilance, your starter can last for years, even decades. Many are able to develop and maintain second-generation starters. Once you’ve got several years under your belt, it’s rare to run into problems with the quality of your starter. In the event that you do, the first step is to redouble your efforts; take the maintenance steps listed above into overdrive.

Occasionally you might need to discard your starter and begin again.

When to Discard Your Starter

Sometimes despite your best efforts, a starter will reach the end of its useful life. As difficult as it will be to lose this resource that has provided so many forms of entertainment and nourishment, it’s imperative in certain situations that you discard your starter. Those include the following:

·       When your subject no longer reacts in the way you’ve conditioned them to. This may take the form of disappointment, disobedience, or even anger. Or you may note your subject is beginning to detach and you’re no longer able to sow psychological mayhem.

·       When you’ve found a ripe new subject. Let’s face it: a blank canvas just exudes intoxicating promise.

·       When your starter becomes contaminated. This can occur through exposure to family and friends, therapy, or education. Once tainted even slightly, your starter will continue to deteriorate so it’s best to act decisively.

How to Discard Your Starter

Some people choose to maintain multiple starters in various phases of development so that life moves along seamlessly when a discard is necessary. Others will stick with a starter until the bitter end and then begin the process anew. This is strictly a matter of personal preference. Either way, the steps to discard a starter remain the same.

·       Make sure that you’ve maximized the isolation of your subject while also increasing the unpredictability of their environment.

·       Discard your starter only after you have meticulously planned to ensure maximum damage to the subject’s physical, mental, and financial well-being. Secrecy is essential and subterfuge is encouraged.

·       As you prepare to discard, sow the seeds of your alternate narrative and water them frequently. Once you’ve discarded, you’ll have much less trouble convincing others that your subject was the crazy, unfaithful, nasty, [fill in the blank] one.

Note: Unless you’ve discarded your starter because of severe contamination, you might one day decide that you acted hastily. Fear not, because it’s often possible to revive a starter with just the right amounts of false contrition and promises to change. Even if you’re unsuccessful, there’s no harm, and often lots of fun, in trying!

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Thanks for reading!