Clarity

In my indiscriminate and nearly ceaseless reading, I recently came across something that perfectly articulated my evolving understanding of a concept. I’m paraphrasing, but the gist was that self-care is doing things you don’t necessarily want to do that will enhance your life in the long run (for example, swallowing the vitamins, stretching every morning upon waking, meditating, consuming wisely, physically and otherwise, taking sleep seriously), and the stuff that is instantly gratifying (a glass of wine, an expensive trinket, zoning out in front of a screen) is self-indulgence. Perfectly clear to me now, but something I had easily confused for years.

This got me thinking about what other word pairs I’d previously confused. Here are just a few:

Secrecy vs. Privacy   

Attachment vs. Love               

Anger vs. Hurt

Guilt vs. Shame

Pity vs. Compassion

Sympathy vs. Empathy

Honesty vs. Discernment

No doubt there are others, but these have been foundational.

And on the other hand, there are words and phrases I’ve never been confused about. Like:

Lake Ontario

The Gulf of Mexico

The Kennedy Center

Twitter

Genocide (not war)

Kidnapping (not detaining)

White supremacist (not Christian)

Concerned with human rights (not woke)

Feminist (not man hater)

Any words you previously confused? Any you’re more sure of than ever?

Ways I Found Joy This Week

Watching videos of collage artists at work

Catching up over a glass of wine with a friend on her return from travel

Browsing through roomfuls of old books and magazines at a nearby thrift shop

Spending a day in parallel play with the CWP

Savoring a 75 (as opposed to 85+) degree morning on my walk, feeling hopeful that fall is approaching

Things I Learned This Week

A bit about Hannah Hoch, a Dada collage artist, and her work

That a butt is a unit of measurement for a cask of wine, and a buttload is approximately 108 Imperial gallons

Quotes That Resonated This Week

People have no understanding of how love works…They don’t take gratitude into account. They don’t think about relief.

From Whistler, by Ann Patchett

I feel our nation’s turning away from love as intensely as I felt love’s abandonment in my girlhood.

bell hooks

The future of democracy depends entirely on what each of us does every day.

Gloria Steinem

What I Watched This Week

Ru Paul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 (Paramount +). An absolutely stunning finale with two incredible performers sharing the crown.

Welcome to the Family (Hulu). A thorough documentary about the murder of an esteemed Tallahassee law professor and the involvement of his ex-wife’s family. Interesting seeing how law enforcement pieced together evidence over more than ten years to finally bring justice to the horrible, entitled people involved.

Furious (Hulu). A former cop and newly-minted FBI agent is pursuing a female serial killer (who only preys on men involved in sex trafficking) while recovering from physical abuse at the hands of her former partner. Fast-paced and twisty with complex characters. Powerful portrait of female rage that highlights the realities of trafficking, the abusive personality, and PTSD.

Don’t Say Good Luck (Netflix). Love Melanie Lynskey and Max Greenfield and, assuming this was a comedy, chose it as a palate cleanser after the darkness of Furious. Alas, it was a major tearjerker. Great performance by Adam Sandler’s daughter Sunny.

White Lines (Netflix). After he disappeared from Ibiza twenty years earlier, Zoe learns her brother was murdered there. She decides to stay and unravel the mystery. Really delves into the debauchery and corruption of the wealthy party set on the island, and the story unfolds against a gorgeous backdrop.

What I Read This Week

A week of quality over quantity as I slowly finished bell hooks’ All About Love, taking notes and processing.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz. Couldn’t resist a Pulitzer Prize winner that was also a banned book. Incredible novel that transported me to the Dominican Republic; rich with the history and culture of the place and that of its Caribbean neighbors. I fell in love with Oscar, a brilliant boy who feels doomed by fuku (a curse that has haunted his family for generations) and can’t find belonging in his world. Loved the author’s voice: quick-witted, erudite, just a master of wordplay. Both heartbreaking and redemptive.

***

Thanks for reading!