Revival

Almost twelve years ago, the implosion of my marriage and an ensuing series of unfortunate events laid the foundation for a sea change in every aspect of my life. Over time, the learning, healing, and growing I was fortunate enough to experience rendered my life unrecognizable from the one I’d previously been living. While I did make some important additions, the bulk of the changes I made were a matter of subtraction: dropping my attempts to control; no longer seeking approval or justifying my choices; and, as much as possible, streamlining and simplifying my daily life so that I could meet the staggering demands of simultaneous relocation, litigation, and caretaking. All things considered, it worked pretty well.

But I emerged from crisis mode a while ago now, and lately I’d been feeling slightly adrift, or like something was missing. And then last week, I read Suleika Jaouad’s essay on gardening (3,000 Unreasonable Little Arguments), in which she posited that a good life is not necessarily the result of optimizing for ease. That thought hit me hard and stayed with me for days. I realized that I’d gotten so into the habit of subtraction, of making things easier, that I’d inadvertently stripped my life of some joy and meaning.

This habit of pressing the easy button without considering value was most notable in areas where I once derived great satisfaction, even in the darkest of times (maybe it’s no surprise that I’d lately been wistfully sighing “I used to [fill in the blank]” periodically). I’d once been an enthusiastic and innovative cook and entertainer, and now food and everything related to it’s preparation has become an onerous chore. Over the last few years, I conceded a bit in the battle with the outdoors until I no longer garden and spend much less time enjoying my lovely yard. The bit of work involved in preparation and cleanup of craft projects means that I slowly stopped expressing myself through creating.

And yes, changing circumstances and energy levels are involved to a degree, but that’s not the whole story. I’m ready to experiment with adding a little more complexity back in. Maybe trying a new recipe or sharing a meal with friends, getting one or two hardy plants for my porch, organizing my supplies and my space and relaxing about a bit of mess.

I’m looking forward to harvesting the great stuff that sometimes springs from the same root as minor inconvenience. I’m looking forward to reviving a life truly worth living.

Ways I Found Joy This Week

Profoundly relaxing and getting the kinks out with a deep tissue massage

Going to the movies on a blistering afternoon

Starting off the week with an almost two-hour phone call with my seventh-grade bestie

Meeting a friend at a tapas restaurant for happy hour and a catch-up

Opening my heart to an old friend

Things I Learned This Week

About www.openculture.com (“the best free cultural and educational media on the web”), a veritable treasure trove of interesting stuff

The origin of the word schmaltz (thanks ACG)

Quotes That Resonated This Week

I’m not convinced a good life is built by optimizing for ease. You can’t always separate the hard parts from the best parts; sometimes they grow from the same root.

Suleika Jaouad

No matter what, nobody can take away the dances you’ve already had.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Grief is the doorway back into your heart.

Cory Muscara

What I Watched This Week

Michael Jackson: The Verdict (Netflix). This documentary details the arrest and trial of Michael Jackson for child sexual abuse, presenting both the defense and the prosecution viewpoints. It was interesting to me as both a historical period piece and an illustration of the flaws of our justice system.

Ru Paul’s Drag Race All Stars (Prime). More fabulous fashion and performance as we close in on the final round (I’m not used to waiting each week!)

Sweet Magnolias (Netflix). My new go-to for relaxation.

To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar (theater). Can’t believe I missed this masterpiece the first time around. A perfect Pride Month offering. Such an uplifting message of love and tolerance wrapped up in a hilarious road trip comedy. Highly recommend.

The Vampire Lestat (Prime). Brilliant social commentary and sets as we follow Lestat on tour with his rock band with flashbacks through a couple of centuries for more of his back story.

What I Read This Week

Pageboy, by Elliot Page. This memoir of the actor formerly known as Ellen was devastating and so brave. Although I was aware of the injustices still faced by gay and trans people in our culture, I had no concept of how pervasive the mental and physical burden of gender dysmorphia could be, and the author did a beautiful job of articulating that.

The Ending Writes Itself, by Evelyn Clarke. When a famous author dies with his long-awaited last book unfinished, his publisher decides to sit on the news and solve the problem creatively. Six struggling authors are invited to the author’s castle on a remote Scottish island, where they learn that they will be competing, over the next 72 hours, for a $2 million prize which will be awarded to the writer of best ending for the book. Reminiscent of Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None, and also a fun love letter to writing itself and an indictment of the industry.

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Thanks for reading!