Guiding Lights

As time continues to rocket by, I find myself making more frequent trips down memory lane. In a recent detour, it struck me that a number of the earworms that I picked up during my children’s early years eventually morphed from being amusing, endlessly repeated oddities into family shorthand for either valuable counsel or useful memory aids.

Herewith, a few of those gems:

Finish one job before you start another. I heard this advice constantly as my son, then in preschool, sat in my home office and played an educational game (whose name now escapes me) while I worked on freelance assignments. A great reminder through the years for a family of highly distractible individuals, and one I still use today to get myself back on track when something shiny beckons.

Let’s make the best of a bad situation, Becky. In addition to computer games, my son was also, at that age, obsessed with an edutainment video series “There Goes A…” (firetruck, monster truck, boat, etc.) and the main characters, Dave and Becky. We heard Dave say this so many times that it became our philosophy when faced with challenges. Another one that I still remind myself of today.

The DEBUG method. This is a mnemonic for conflict resolution, particularly helpful for bullying, that my kids were taught in public school. The steps are

Decide to Ignore

Exit (walk away calmly)

Be Friendly (use kind words to establish boundaries)

Use Firm Talk (speak seriously, without yelling, to state what’s wrong and what you want)

Get Adult Help (when the first steps fail)

When my first grader explained to a counselor at their new private school that they were using this technique after being bullied, the counselor loved it and included it in her toolbox going forward. And in my case, “get adult help” finally got me to therapy.

The “Today” song. I’d never heard this song until my daughter learned it at preschool. Simple and catchy.

              Today is _____, today is ______

              All day long, all day long

              Yesterday was ____________

              Tomorrow will be ____________

              All day long, all day long.

Now that I’m in my dotage, I find myself using this at least once a week to figure out what day it is. Reports from the CWP indicate that she does, too.

Just keep swimming. This classic by an overwhelmed Dory in Finding Nemo became, and remains, our rallying cry when the going gets tough.

So, yeah, I’m a little childish. But I’m happy.

What long ago nuggets are still guiding you today?

Ways I Found Joy This Week

Indulging in a cheeseburger and tater tots with a “good trash” movie

Hanging at the CWP’s apartment on a Sunday afternoon

Treating myself to a facial

Walking all over town now that the weather has cooled

Visiting the crystal shop to replace my hematite ring (which is supposed to be grounding, perhaps partially explaining why I felt adrift all summer after losing mine in May?) and being drawn to a piece of orchid calcite, then learning that it’s thought to be helpful in accepting changes and establishing new habits (my life in a nutshell)

orchid calcite

Things I Learned This Week

About the lives of the millions of Palestinian refugees living in Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon

A bit more about the origins of the Nakba, or ethnic cleansing of Palestinian Arabs by Zionists, which began in 1948

Quotes That Resonated This Week

Power does not follow truth, it manufactures it.

Mahmoud Khalil, No Land to Stand On

…everyone who is disguising their apathy and disillusionment as intellect to sell despair to the rest of us is doing the oppressors’ work for free…

Nikita Gill

What I Watched This Week

The Diplomat (Netflix). Another compelling season that ended with a bang and left the door open for a return.

The Housemaid (HBO Max). An adaptation of a Frieda McFadden book starring Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeny. Better if you haven’t read the book but fun to watch.

Animals (Netflix). When the young son of a mayoral candidate is kidnapped in Los Angeles, secrets and moral quandaries begin to emerge. With Ben Affleck, Kerry Washington, and Gillian Anderson.

Ides of March (Netflix). An older movie in which an idealistic young campaign worker is tested when he learns of a scandal involving his presidential candidate. With Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, and my beloved Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP).

What I Read This Week

The List of Suspicious Things, by Jennie Godfrey. A quirky coming-of-age tale in which a young girl attempts to avert change by solving the case of the Yorkshire Ripper. Loved this community of characters.

Writers at Work: The Paris Review Interviews (Eighth Series). Interviews with famous writers (like E.B. White, John Irving, E.L. Doctorow) that explore the art and craft of writing as well as their backgrounds and careers.

No Land to Stand On: Notes from Detention, by Mahmoud Khalil. Born in a Palestinian refugee camp in Syria, Khalil eventually made his way to New York and Columbia University. Despite being a green card holder and upstanding citizen, he was arrested and transported to a Louisiana detention camp for speaking up about the genocide in Gaza. Illuminating, infuriating, inspirational, heartbreaking. I’m frankly ashamed that I knew so little about the subject.

The Drowning Woman, by Robyn Harding. A temporarily unhoused woman saves a woman who appears to be committing suicide at the beach. A friendship develops, but nobody and nothing is what it seems.

Hollywood, Ending, by John Green. Two young actors who are about to “explode” navigate the vagaries of Hollywood and their incipient relationship. Deft exploration of the long-lasting, pervasive effects of childhood trauma as well as celebrity culture.

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Thanks for reading!